Dreams, Realities, and other stuff! :)

So, I had 2 very significant dreams this week--the first one was regarding Jason.  The boys and I were hanging out and in he walks--just out of the blue.  .  .His deployment had been cancelled and it was only 3 months in!!  WOO HOO I exclaimed--thank goodness for Obama for bringing our troops home.  .  .THEN I WOKE UP!  The bed was still empty (well okay--Camden was there), and I was still in the beginning of a very long journey.  

The next dream I had was last night.  Now, when Gina reads this she will probably think haha--that's karma(I'll explain after the dream), but it was freaky!  Okay, so last night I had this dream that the reason Evan isn't sleeping through the night (other than the fact that he is 2 months old) was because there were ghosts in his room that kept picking him up and playing with him (or waking him up rather).  .  .It really freaked me out--the thought of some random spirit in my child's room picking him up.  .  .FREAKY!!  Now, first off--yes, I do believe in ghosts and I do believe that children are more susceptible to seeing them.  In fact, I'm positive that Camden has had an encounter or 2 with my grandparents who have passed.  Secondly, the reason Gina will laugh is  because I totally freaked her out a few weeks ago when I told her that the reason Ella always looked past her instead of at her is because she was intrigued with the spirits floating around.  .  .SORRY! :)  So, I was thinking about this dream today when I was taking Camden to school and all of a sudden it hit me--Evan must've been crying and the reason I was dreaming that (b/c he was crying a lot in this dream) is because I was hearing him but not waking up.  .  .HOLY CRAP!  The good news is, he wasn't hungry b/c I had already gotten up to feed him, and he obviously put himself back to sleep.  The bad news is--my poor baby was crying for me and I didn't come b/c I couldn't pull myself out of the lack of sleep coma I was in.  He'll survive, but still.  .  .

I keep telling myself that all of this stuff is going to get easier--but I'm thinking that my life is about to get a lot harder-before it gets easier.  .  .I hope that people who hear me don't think I'm trying to wish away my children's childhoods, or that I don't love them!  I feel guilty every day for wishing Evan was just sleeping longer, or Camden would just get out of this stubborn phase.  .  .Those of you on facebook know--I'm like someone with bipolar disorder--one second I'm great, the next I'm the complete opposite!  The fact is, I'm trying to get through all of this one day at a time---and every day truly feels like a lifetime without Jason here.  I feel so blessed to have girlfriends who will listen to me whine, and have me and my kids over for dinner and to destroy their houses !:)  I feel blessed to have 2 healthy and, for the most part, happy children--I just pray every day that I don't ruin them because I lose my cool, or even just breakdown and cry in front of them.  I feel blessed that even though my husband is away--he will be back, and I do have a reunion to look forward to.  I feel blessed that within one hour of my house I have 3 sets of parents who call me almost every day (at least one set a day, they must have a schedule :)) and want to do everything they can to help us all get through this so we can move on by Christmas!  I feel the need to write all of this because it's been almost a month, and to those who are close to me, I feel like I've complained more than I've laughed--especially this week for some reason.  Don't give up on me, I promise it will get better--and thank you all for being there!  WE love you and WE couldn't get through this without you!!

Evan's 2 Month Check-up and a New Baby ShoutOut!

I would like to start by congratulating my friends Robert & Morgan Hay on their new baby boy Stockton! He was born earlier today and Robert blogged every step of the way!! :) Thank you for the wonderful documentation, it was fun to follow along--and I did, all day!! Thank goodness for blogs and facebook!
Here is my 2 cents about being a parent--you are about to get a lot of advice from a lot of people, and EVERYONE knows best :)!! Take it all with a grain of salt, use what works, throw out what doesn't--every baby is different, every family is different and every method doesn't work for everyone! Make your choices and own them, don't let anyone make you feel bad for the choices YOU make for YOUR child!! (i.e. breastfeeding, daycare, pacifiers all seem to be the ones that get people the most worked up) Stockton will have no idea that you don't know what you are doing--so don't worry--you can all figure it out together!! :) Okay, that's it--CONGRATULATIONS, and I'm glad there is someone else out there who won't be sleeping--you can text me, I'm usually up around 3-4 am :)!!! :)

NOW on to Evan! We all loaded up and went to the doctor today--I was able to oversleep yet still get a shower and somewhat keep my cool getting out the door ON TIME this morning!! I would love to say I did it all on my own, but I had help from Grandma!! ANYWAYS, the important thing is we got there on time, this is a huge feat for me! Here are Evan's stats:

WEIGHT: 13LBS, 7.5OZ (79%)
HEIGHT: 23.75" (70%)
HEAD: 16 (59%)

Dr. Stickney said he was looking good, and growing very well. . .My back says he's growing well too--those baby carriers are not made for wimps!! We got 2 shots and 1 oral vaccine (this is new, because Camden didn't get it) and we had to take one dose of tylenol this afternoon b/c someone was not feeling well! :) We will have the bumbo seat out in the next couple of weeks, I tried it last night but he needs just a little more control over that head. . .I can't believe how quickly he is growing. I've packed up my 0-3 month clothes already (can you believe it?)--this is good news for Tiffany though since they are all going straight to her!

After our doctor's visit we went out to Go Pro for a little visit. I'm sure they just love to see us coming!! Camden is so comfortable there--he loves to "work" with Bonnie (he earned $1 today), and Mr. Steve has a whole assortment of toys on his window sill to play with! He's not even shy, we get in the door and he basically waves bye to me and heads out to entertain himself!! :) He tried very hard to get Mr. Chester to play outside with him today!! I'm glad they are still so welcoming--otherwise I wouldn't have anywhere to take my 3 year old to play! haha!

Oh yeah--I almost forgot--Camden got to take his first trip to Chuck-E-Cheese last weekend and he loved it!! :)
We met Jessica and her 2 kiddos there for some Sunday morning fun! I thought for sure he would be terrified of Chuck E--but not at all. He didn't get too close mind you, but he watched cautiously and got a little closer every time we went into the area where he was!! I would definitely go back--and I would try to go in the morning--they open at 9! We left when it was really
starting to pick up.

Mommy & Camden--how tired do I look? :)

Checking out Chuck E Cheese.  .  .Not too close now! 

This was his favorite thing--a phone that he could call Chuck E on--he pretty much stayed planted there the whole time!  (when he didn't have tokens he guarded it)

What's up Chuck!? :)

Evan's 2 month birthday--and Obama's Inauguration

I'm not big on politics, and I've NEVER watched an inauguration, but somehow yesterday I got pulled in!  Camden and I sat and watched Obama get sworn in, and I explained to him that this very moment would be something he would be quizzed on in his future history classes.  .  .

These are the words he got out of yesterdays coverage:

AMERICA

HOUSE/HOME-"Ares we going to his house?" (Mr. Obama's house) I had explained that we were watching him move into his new house--the White House

AIRPLANE

TRAIN TRACKS

PRES-DENT--"Is the boys name Pres-dent?"

CHURCH (referring to the Capitol Building--Are we going to that Big Church?)

I'm pretty impressed that he picked up on so much!  When I had the news on later that night, he got all excited and pointed out that we had seen that boy go home "yesterday" (everything that is not right now is "yesterday").  All in all, I think he really learned a lot yesterday :)!!

I also realized today that yesterday was Evan's 2 month birthday.  .  .MOTHER OF THE YEAR AWARD--I'm gonna get it!!!  So in honor of that, here are some photos that we took--please pay no attention to the fact that they are both still in pajamas--it just sort of happens sometimes! :)

PROJECT FOR JANUARY-COMPLETE

SO--this may not seem like a very big project to most of you, but you know what--it totally was!!  I had stuff in this pantry that I've had since I got married (for those of you just joining us, that was 2002)--PROBABLY TIME TO PURGE!! :)  I just kept cramming stuff in, and I never took anything out.  I got it so clean, that I had to go downstairs to the "reserve" and bring stuff up, which is wonderful because now I see what I have instead of overbuying every week and thinking "shoot, I knew I had some of that!"

In addition to the pantry, I also got all of the bottles and formula off the counter, and cleaned out all of Camden's cups.  I kept a couple out with tops on them--just in case we are on the go, but for the most part he drinks out of the same cups we do (only smaller versions of them)!!

Let's see--this has been the first weekend I've had without people surrounding me--it started out really depressing!  However, my girlfriend Gi'Gi' (she's southern--Waycross, not french) came up on Saturday and spent the day with me.  It was nice catching up with her and just getting to have some adult conversation (this conversation did not really take place until dinner when we recruited mom to babysit, but it happened all the same)!!!  The weeks seem to fly  by, but the weekends are long.  I try to have something to do so we aren't sitting at home remembering that daddy is far away!  Camden has really begun asking about when Daddy will be home, and is he coming home tomorrow.  I'm going to make this picture for Daddy to see when he comes home.  .  .It will get you every time, but I am just sure to tell him that Daddy is doing an important job and will be home before his birthday.  Not that he grasps that amount of time in his 3 year old head, but I don't know how to put it in terms that he will understand, nor do I think he would understand it anyway.   

It's sort of comical the things that you will put off because they were typically your spouse's duty!  For instance--the trash.  .  .yep, I find myself cramming stuff in that trash can, and just waiting on someone to take it out--and then I realize it's now my job to take out the trash.  .  .Gi'Gi' did point out to me that the positive side to that was no one can complain about me not taking out the trash!  She's right!!  Since we are all over the place, and looking at positive things today--I read in my "Week by Week Guide to your Baby's First Year" that we might be very close to sleeping through the night!!  Obviously I'm trying not to get too excited, but it does make me feel better that I might soon be sleeping a little bit longer at night!  Another positive thing to all of this--I don't have to cook much!  I cook about once a week, and eat off of it pretty much all week.  It's sort of a waste to plan a meal every night that my 3 year old will turn his nose up at--therefore, I just make one meal to feed him ALL WEEK and towards the end of the week he has learned new words like--hamburger noodle casserole, and bow tie pasta :).  

(i.e.--"I don't want hamburger noodle cassewole, I don't yike it")

Okay, that's it for now, I hear the pitter patter of 3 year old feet that should be napping, and it's time to make another bottle.  

A slight retraction

So I just want to say that I was in no way trying to say that Jason tries to tell me what to do or is constantly offering his advice to me when we talk.  I was just saying that on a day to day basis when we are talking (like we normally would) and when/if he makes suggestions (like he normally would) my first reaction is that he's not here so what does he know.  .  .

I'm not mad or irritated with him--so honey, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to say that you are doing anything wrong! :)  I love you!

Getting into the swing of things

We have smiles!!!  Excuse the chin folks--he comes by it honestly!!  See he looks a little like me! :)

Camden's first day of his new school!

Well--it's been almost 2 weeks since Jason left and we are slowly but surely getting into the swing of things here on our own.  It hasn't been easy, in fact, there's moments I've wanted to throw in the towel and hand my kids over to anyone who was willing to take them.  .  .okay--maybe I wouldn't go that far, but we've definitely had our challenges.  I'm sure as time goes on, there will be many more to come, that's just life.  

Camden has had almost 2 full weeks of his school and he LOVES it!!  I started carpool today (which basically means I sit in my car and they come and get him and bring him to me)--I wasn't going to do this, but it's a lot of work getting Evan and Camden out of the car, walking him to class and then going back to the car and getting everyone situated back in.  Don't you judge me-- :)--my back hurts people, those carriers are not meant  for babies to be carried in them!  Anyway, he thought that was the neatest thing ever today when they came and got him out of the car, and then brought him to me this afternoon!  He is also trying my patience, although, it's been much less this week than it was last week.  I'm learning to choose my battles, and to remember that I'm the adult so yelling back isn't necessarily the way to go.  

Evan is doing pretty well!!  He's giving me a solid 5-6 hr block of sleep at night, and this week I've started slightly stretching out times between feedings, and putting him down for naps in his crib!  There's been a lot less unscheduled crying this week than we had last week!  Don't get me wrong, he still has his moments--but for the most part I can predict it, typically between 7-9pm and if I hold him, he'll quit!  

The hardest part about all this is just learning to cope with everything on my own.  I'm such a talker, when I have a problem I usually vent about it with Jason and then together we figure out how to fix it.  .  .we still talk, but now I just get defensive if he offers advice--HOW WOULD HE KNOW HE'S NOT HERE!!  It's lonely not having your partner around, even if we did just sit in silence and watch TV--at least I had someone to fight with over the remote control, or to talk to about if dinner was good or not (I can't even get Camden to try anything)!  I've been able to talk to him almost every day, so that helps--although I know as he gets deeper into training and then heads out to wherever it is they are sending him these conversations will be less and less frequent.  

GOALS. . .everybody's making them

So back to those goals I spoke about in my last post! I really am going to make some, and just to be sure I stay on track I will list them here for all to see. . . :)--just don't hold me to them!

#1--get on a workout schedule, I seriously have not worked out since Camden was born, or really since before Camden was born b/c I didn't do much working out when I was pregnant--EVERYTHING jiggles (YUCK)
#2--start getting myself more organized, most of the time I feel so scattered I can't think straight, hopefully this will help me to start being on time more!
#3--start a new project every month--PROJECT FOR JANUARY: CLEAN OUT PANTRY, and CABINETS in kitchen (eventually this goal will lead up to me cleaning my closet, I would look for this to happen later, when I've had a chance to implement #1)
#4--learn to have more patience and take the time to enjoy my blessings
#5--be more positive
#6--floss my teeth more, for some reason this chore always gets pushed to last--I need to be better about it :)
#7--start baby books--I've never even done one for Camden, I'll admit I've never actually seen the one my mom did for me-so Camden and Evan probably won't be begging to see theirs either

Lucky #7--that will be enough for now, I can add more later if I want!

While we are on this topic--Camden has made some goals for himself as well (OKAY OKAY--I helped, but he said okay so I'm going to document them as well!)

#1--learn to eat more things than pb&j, spaghettios, and ckn nuggets from "Old McDonald"
#2--learn to do what mommy says the first time so she doesn't have to raise her voice :)
#3--learn to bathe myself--this one will come with time, but we are already working on it

Evan's goals are to sleep through the night, and just not cry so much! :)

So it sounds like we will all be pretty busy while Daddy is away! Hopefully that will make it all FLY BY!!

Day 2 of a very long journey

Well, I figure it's time for me to try to pick this thing up again!! I really enjoy reading my friends' blogs and keeping up with where they are and seeing their families grow! Since we have so much changing in our lives right now, I thought I would try to pick my blog back up! As many of you know, and some of you don't know--my husband Jason has been called up to be deployed and began active duty a few days ago (I'm sure none of these terms are correct, but whatever, you'll soon learn that I do not come from a military background and I'm feeling my way through all of this the best that I can!). We also just recently added to our family with another son! We have Camden 3, Evan 6 weeks, and of course Penny-dog 5!

I have several reasons for this blog. One is to keep family and friends updated on what is going on with us, and to let them know how Jason is doing (although those updates will be very vague b/c I won't know much), another reason is to get my feelings out there rather than keeping things bottled up!! This is also a good way to record my boys day to day lives (if I get to it day to day :))!!

While Jason is gone I have many goals for myself, I find this significant because I've never been a real goal setter. . .or maybe I have and I've just never documented them! Jason and I have been together since I was 18 years old, I've never really been without him, so my way of getting through all of this is to hopefully just keep busy! I quit my job to take care of the boys (SCARY), and I'm sure they will occupy most of my time--but I'm hoping I will have some time to meet my personal goals as well!


Wish me luck!!