It's not as if you asked, but I'm sure you wanted to know!!!

So, it's no secret to my friends and family that I really struggled with my decision to be a stay-at-home mom.  I've always worked, ever since I was 16-and the idea of being home ALL day and ALL night just totally freaked me out!!  In the beginning it was very much a necessary evil, there was truly no way I could work (and bring home any money) while Jason was gone.  WAIT WAIT--let me retract, as I have learned a lot about myself over the past year, I could've worked and taken care of the children as a "single mom" as I know women do it EVERY day!  However, it wouldn't have made sense financially to do so b/c once I paid for gas and daycare I wouldn't have any take home left.  Hence, I decided to stay home, and have since decided to stay home for all practical purposes.  When Jason was gone staying home was pretty difficult.  Very much like the movie Groundhog Day--Sunday thru Saturday was literally the same--and I am a person that needs to get out and be busy.  I did everything I could think of, started going to church, signed Camden up for sports, went to the gym--it worked for the most part, but I always felt like I was just constantly searching for the next thing we could do to get out of the house!!  Once Jason came home it was a whole different ball game--I actually felt pressure to make sure the house was completely picked up when he arrived home, and to have a delicious healthy hot meal on the table, and be showered with my hair done and make up on.  .  .Then I discovered he really could care less if the beds were made, or the laundry was put away, or if I laid down and caught a 15 minute nap.  . .he did prefer that I shower (though he never mentioned it, I just assume he likes me showered better than not showered due to the smell and all-hehe)!  I found myself (and from time to time still do) wondering: what is my purpose?  I need approval, recognition, something. .  .maybe that's why I enjoyed working, maybe you weren't constantly praised, but at least you brought home a pay check every so often!  Lately, I've found that I'm actually enjoying my role at home (as much as you can enjoy being a domestic engineer).  I just want to share with you some of the things that make it easier for me, in case you too are struggling with the decision to stay home!!

#1--don't pressure yourself to cook fancy meals or do elaborate crafts.  just b/c you are a stay at home mom doesn't mean that you will instantly become crafty or a good cook!!!  the cooking I was okay at before, and I do enjoy having more time to explore new things and prep healthier dinners for us.  the crafty--well, I'm still working on that one!!  I was not born with the talent and I have pretty much given up on it!  don't expect homemade Christmas gifts from this family, or homemade wrapping paper on your birthday gifts, sorry--it's just not in me!  I've accepted it and moved on!!

#2--make a list.  I have lists EVERYWHERE, you know what they are good for???  CROSSING THINGS OFF!  I have often found myself looking around wondering what on earth did I do all day?  I never get anything done--ENTER LIST.  .  .ahhh--that's what I've done, I can see it b/c I've crossed items off.  I have lists on paper, on my dry erase board, on the back of receipts, on my iPhone.  .  .EVERYWHERE!

#3--challenge yourself to work for one hour a day on the chores you hate.  do you hate cleaning like I do?  are you sad that you feel like your only purpose in life is to clean every day??  here's what I've started and it's really working.  my house in general is clean, not so much tidy, but clean.  I've started challenging myself every day to clean just for an hour.  it's usually the hour between working out and lunch when Evan is sleeping!  I can usually finish the task I have chosen (bathroom) and then some before the hour is up.  and you know what--then it's just DONE.  you have accomplished what you needed to get done, and have not spent your WHOLE day cleaning!  there is nothing worse than spending all day cleaning just to find by noon the next day it all needs to be done again!  you will DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY!

#4--find a good group with children in your child's age group.  this one is very important!  I have been lucky enough to become friends with a group of women who all have children who are either Camden's age, or Evan's age--or very close.  When we all get together, everyone has a playmate and it works.  It's also nice b/c, even though they don't all go to the same school, it seems they all have the same vacation calendar!  That makes for playdates, picnics, field trips, etc all together!

#5--pursue something you wouldn't be able to do if you were working.  take advantage of this time, if you can.  it doesn't have to be anything HUGE.  just think back to when you were working at a desk, what did you daydream about or think--"if i didn't have this job, I would do _____ "?????  i chose exercise.  I found it an impossible thing to do when I was working.  By the time I got home around 6:30, rushed around getting dinner ready, then getting Camden ready for bed and sitting down for a few minutes--there was just no time to workout!

#6--have an idea of what you are going to do every day.  every morning when I wake up I usually know what needs to be done, and when I'm going to do it.  I don't know why, but it helps make the day run smoother.  if I know I'm going to need to do some dusting or laundry AFTER I pick Camden up from school I let him know.  "Mommy has a few things that i need to get done, and after that we can play" it usually works, and often he asks if he can help!

#7--sometimes throw it all out the window and go to the park!!  it really doesn't matter if you have worked out, gotten your hour of cleaning in, or have dinner ready to go at 5:30-what really matters is if you had a good day with your kids!!  I don't do it every day, but quite often I will throw it all out the window and play!  it won't be long until my kids are telling me to go away, or I'm embarrassing them--so i need to take advantage of this time with them!!  these days are the best days!!

#8--don't be embarrassed to remind your husband, that you need time for yourself or you need a night on the town.  I don't think they realize sometimes how daunting it can be to be in the house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  until you've done it, you couldn't have any idea!!  sometimes, a night out without kids, or just a few hours shopping by yourself can mean THE WORLD!!  (it's also nice if you don't have to plan the date, babysitter, etc.  .  .)

#9--try to not have a routine on the weekends.  this also helps when your hubby is deployed, I just wish I had picked up on it sooner!  weekend nights we might get to stay up a little late, play a little Wii, watch a movie.  maybe in the morning we eat our dry cereal on the couch and watch some cartoons--try to throw some of the structure out on the weekends, or as much as you are comfortable with anyway!!

#10--take advantage of the freedoms that a domestic engineer has.  I may take off mid week and go visit my grandmother, meet friends for dinner around 6 on a Monday, or hit up Toddler storytime at 10:15 on a Friday.  these are all things I never would've been able to do with a regular 9-5 job!

I know as soon as I hit post I will come up with more, but for now this is it!!  I'm certainly no expert, but I also know it's totally normal to have second thoughts about giving up that job and staying home (which is a 24 hour 7 day a week job)!  It's a huge change and adjustment (I know, as I'm still adjusting everyday)!!