WOW--a very short long weekend!

All good things must come to an end--I had a wonderful trip to California!  It was a little nerve wracking leaving my kids at home.  I, of course, felt very guilty, and sad, and lonely without my boys--but they did quite well while I was away!!  Jason and I had discussed whether or not to tell Camden where I was going--we never really came to a firm decision so I thought I would opt not to mention that I was going on a trip to see Daddy.  .  .my son, however, is much smarter than I give him credit for!!

All week I had left the suitcase out and gradually started filling it--he would come in and look at it and ask me where we were going.  I let him know mommy was going on a trip for a few days--to which he responded "are you going away like daddy?" I reassured him that I would be back before school started the next week!!    The day that I was leaving I told him I was going to fly on a plane--"where are you going on a airplane mommy?" "to California" I answered.  .  .he got a silly grin on his face and said "no you aren't--daddy is in California!!" WOW--really??  I'm sure it's been mentioned that daddy is in California, it just never occurred to me this information would be retained in that big ol' 3 year old brain of his!!  While I was there Daddy and I made a call home and talked to Camden--he seemed thrilled that we were together!  This relieved both of us, and it was only AFTER we got off the phone that I started freaking out that he would be expecting Daddy to come home with me!!  He didn't though, he came in this morning and was SOOOOO excited to see mommy--he said "Now I can go to school again!"  (so maybe he was more excited to be going back to school--regardless that smile was priceless)!

So more about my trip!!  I got in around 8pm on Thursday, which was 11pm for me--I was EXHAUSTED and slept the whole way back to Port Hueneme--Friday Jason worked and I got up and headed over to the exchange.  They have a very nice exchange on the base and Jason and I walked away with some goodies!  I tried to find some cute Navy/Seabee stuff for the boys but, as usual, the options were far and few between--however, endless for little girls!!!  GO FIGURE!  After Jason got off we headed down to Ventura--a cute little beach town with a small downtown area within walking distance to our hotel.  From our balcony you could see ocean, parking lot (haha), and mountains.  California really has some beautiful scenery!!  It was so nice to just be able to enjoy each other and have a meal without having to rush back home, or answer to Mommy & Daddy every 5 seconds.  We hadn't really enjoyed just some carefree time in a while so it was very much needed!!  

The next day we decided to head down to the Reagan Library--anyone who hasn't been should go!  I found it very inspiring, and uplifting!  Just walking through there and seeing all of Reagan's encouraging words made me feel like I can get through anything put in front of me--and make it out stronger than I was before.  The love he and Nancy shared was also inspirational!  (just a little trivia--did you know Ronald was married before Nancy?  probably, but I had no idea) :)

We headed down to LA from there, I requested the direct route rather than the scenic tour--honestly, I'm just not a car person, and it was just better this way.  Jason informed me I could flip through his pictures if I wanted to check out the scenery!  We had a little nap, and headed down to the manager's reception at the Embassy Suites--it was crowded and we didn't have reservations for dinner until 8 so we went back to our room and watched a movie.  That was kind of cool--it was like normal stuff that we would do at home--chill on the couch have a beer watch  a movie!  We chose not to venture out into LA in the dark, on Valentine's day!  Instead, we ate at the hotel restaurant--subpar--but it saved us a cab fare and we were able to just enjoy each other's company instead!!  We both got a little sad at dinner b/c my departure was looming--we had the same feeling of "now what do we have to look forward to"-this was our last hoorah before he heads, out and it flew by!!

While I was there Jason was able to give me more info about what he will be doing "over there" :)  --I can't really discuss it here, but I can say that for anyone who knows Jason--it was almost like this job was handpicked for him!  I'm excited for him, but scared at the same time!!  I know that he will give no less than 200% as usual and the Navy is lucky to have him!!  We also came to the realization that although it seems so far away until he is home, it's really just not as far as we thought--knowing this makes this all a little more bearable!!  I'm not focusing on any date or any month because I know things can change--but every day that goes by is one day closer to him coming home!!  Please continue to pray for him and his speedy and safe return! 

--On a side note, I also learned a little bit about traveling and the things you DON'T need!!  Like--a hair dryer, shampoo, and soap--the hotel provides all of these things and from now on I will be a rebel and travel without them!  It may leave room for an extra pair of shoes!! :)

Headed to CA--but before I go

3 reminders for myself:

#3 goal, a project each month--FEBRUARY--my maternity clothes and Evan's closet.  Fortunately we are half way there even though I haven't reported

#4 goal, more patience and enjoy life's blessings.  This will always be a work in progress so I will continue to post it to keep myself in check

#5 goal, be positive--remember Melanie life is what you make it.  Every negative has a positive to go with it.  Don't stay bogged down with all of the bad stuff.

It's been a rough few weeks, but knowing that I'm officially off the clock (as much as a mommy can be) Thursday around 3 gives me SOME relief!!  I just need to post these things to remind myself of the goals I made back in January!  

REMEMBER MOMMY--THIS IS WHY WE DO IT:

For the smiles.  .  .

For the quiet moments.  .  .

And for the sweet, sweet voices.  .  .

Pics & Videos

Camden putting bottles together!

Evan in the Bumbo

Evan & Ella

Camden--"Brown-hog Day"

I forgot to mention in my last two posts that Uncle Adam came for a visit over the weekend and we had such a good time with him!  Camden loves him some Uncle Adam, and Evan is teaching him how to hold and feed a baby! :)

I'm not celebrating. . .yet

So, I know I might be jinxing myself but since I had such a negative post earlier this week, I thought maybe I should follow up with something more positive!!

We had another bad night Tuesday, then again Wednesday morning--HOWEVER, by Wednesday afternoon everything settled down--SHEW.  .  .Evan took a wonderful  nap--in his carrier :), and we had a good dinner and headed off to Camden's Journey Class at Mt. Zion!  He just loves that class, and the lesson of the week--Obey your parents--have I mentioned how much I love the class too!!!  It was cold, but I'm glad we ventured out!!!  When we got home and I was putting Camden in bed he and I just talked and giggled!  It reminded me so much of how things once were.  That used to be our bedtime routine, stories, backrub, which turned into quiet conversation between us.  I really need to be better about keeping that routine alive, it makes such a difference!  Thursday was another pretty good day as well.  I know it was long and boring for Camden, but I wasn't feeling well so Mom hung out so I could get some much needed down time for myself.  I rested for a few hours with my door closed, no monitor, and no interruptions.  When I got up Camden and I headed upstairs to clean a playroom and sort through toys that aren't being used.  Afterwards, Camden scarfed down 2 small cans of spaghettios, some animal crackers, and everyone was bathed and put to bed!  EUPHORIA!

So, after much reflection this week I've been able to realize some things:

#1--poor Camden, he is going through a lot.  it used to be around dinner time was when daddy came home and gave him undivided attention until dinner, and then a bath, stories, and as noted above--back rubs and quiet talk.  Now his evenings are filled with "hang on honey, I have to feed the baby" "let me just go see why Evan is crying" "can you try to do it by yourself?" --can you imagine?  No wonder he's having breakdowns!  

#2--people can say what they will, but I do not think I am feeding my infant too much.  he eats approximately 6 oz every 4 hours.  .  .he just recently started taking the full 6 oz every time so I will no longer stress myself out over it!  every child is different and my theory is he wouldn't eat if he wasn't hungry. (thank you Kasey)

#3--it's the little things--it was suggested to me that I find little things around the house that Camden can help me with.  He's all about  helping right now.  SO--we have started letting him put the bottles together for Evan (this turns into 20-30 minutes of fun, and since I use the playtex disposable feeding system no big deal that big brother's hands are all over the bottles), we also are learning to take our toys upstairs and PUT them away, and clothes are to be removed and put directly into the dirty clothes (thank you Gina)

All in all, after a very hectic beginning to the week, things came around and ended up quite pleasant.  Evan is sleeping about 9-4:30 for right now--and that's a fantastic span for me! :)  I can stay up and finish my 9pm show, and then get in bed read a couple of pages--basically I have a little bit of freedom back with my evenings! Not too much, because you never know if he will sleep that long, but still!!!

I hope everyone is doing well, I'll post some pics and stuff next!

JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT. . .

SO.  .  .this is probably going to be a more negative post than normal so don't read on if you don't want to hear it.  .  .

I was celebrating--I was totally celebrating yesterday because things had finally started to fall into place!!!  Evan was sleeping a good 9-4 or 10-5 then he would sleep until about 8-8:30 in the a.m.--WOO HOO!!  I've finally been getting what feels like a full night's sleep and things are looking up (or at least for a couple of days anyway).  .  .

Now it's time to tackle naps for little one--so, I come home from the grocery store and Evan is sleeping, I take him out of the carrier and put him in his crib--MISTAKE!!  He cried, and fussed, and screamed-so I rushed through groceries, scarfed down my lunch and picked him up.  .  .ahhh silence!  No problem, we'll try nap time after Camden gets home.  We pick Camden up and all come home to take naps (except Mommy who was going to get computer stuff-bills/scanning/answering emails done).  Camden goes down with no problems, I put Evan down turn the mobile on and WA-LA we are done.  .  .WRONG!  He wakes he screams he fusses.  .  .finally about an hour in (and 40 trips up the stairs) I give in.  I pick him up, rock him, carry him around--NOTHING.  If he's in my arms he's fine, if he's laying down not fine.  All of a sudden he settles down lays there cooing and smiling and laughing--it's wonderful, I even got out the camera and documented it.  I leave him in my room and try to busy myself with things upstairs so I can be close by.  He falls asleep about 15 minutes before it's time to eat and wakes to eat--WHAT A NAP.  By now Camden is up.  My plan is feed Evan hang out with Camden for a bit and then start dinner--early dinner--early  bath--relaxing evening, one glass of wine--and bed (remember I get to go to bed at a decent time now)!!  Evan had different plans, he literally screamed until about 8 pm.  .  .I tried everything--I rocked him, put him on his belly, gave him a bath, put him in the swing, the bouncy seat--nothing worked.  Since I've never really had this issue before I was just at a loss, oh yea, and the one or two times I did get him settled down--CAMDEN would start crying over something--"I don't want to eat, I don't want to take my clothes off for a bath, I don't want to do anything that you ask me to--even if you stay calm and ask nicely and promise good things will come to me if I would " 'JUST DO WHAT YOU SAY THE FIRST TIME FOR GOODNESS SAKES'"...

WHY--why is this happening?  Isn't it bad enough that I'm a single mom right now, can't things just fall into place as seamlessly as I remember them falling into place with Camden?  Now I have to worry about even more, "am I feeding him too much?  is there something I should be doing that I'm not doing? is it because I let people hold him too much when he was a baby?  should I switch him back to the gentlease formula?"  All these things run through my head--don't I have enough on my plate?  COME ON!  Also, why won't my 3 year old just be obedient and do what I say the first time?  Why does he have to cry and do the opposite of everything I say?  For instance, the pb&j lover, got up and saw me making his lunch and immediately started crying and pitching a fit because.  .  .can you guess.  .  .I DON'T LIKE PEANUT BUTTER.  .  .are you freaking kidding me???????????????????  Some days I truly feel like I just can't win.  I was so excited when we made it through the weekend and it seemed we were really starting to get into the swing of things, more sleep, a real schedule, etc--I will never celebrate anything again obviously it jinxed (sp?) me.   .  .

Okay, enough woe is me.  Evan has basically slept all day today--go figure.  I let Camden skip a nap and now I have about 20 more gray hairs b/c we are downstairs and he is "playing" but apparently the game he is playing is "MOMMY" b/c he's been saying it about every other word.  .  .It's time to fold laundry and decide what food I can torture my 3yr old with tonight--doesn't matter what it is, if it's dinner he doesn't want it! :)  I promise not to be so whiny next post! :)

Oh yea, it has been brought to my attention that the title of my blog sounds familiar-SORRY, I wasn't trying to copy the Kardashians--it was just all this little brain could think of, it never crossed my mind that it sounded good b/c it's the name of a TV show.  .  .oh well, I'm sure we are much more interesting anyway! :)

Just one more thing--even though things were bad yesterday I still don't understand shaken baby syndrome, however, I do understand how a mom can turn into a lush! :)